Community Service
by ItsMeHumphrey
Summary: When Chris Redfield is arrested for drunk driving, he has to do community service. Can he survive? No.. Please R&R Rated T for safety.
1. Damn Ticket

**Community Service.**

**A/N: **_"..New story? Yep... I deleted some stories that didn't get reviews, and kept the ones that people liked, no need to clutter my page up with useless things. This is a RE fiction, I know... shocking right? What would happen if Chris Redfield got stuck doing community service? This Would." _

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**Chapter 1**

**Damn ticket.**

It was just his one night of craziness... it just had to land him here...

Chris was mad as hell... he didn't know if it was the booze talking.. or his emotions... he was wasted.. no doubt about that.

He felt like punching the fat bozo that pulled him over, being tied to a chair wasn't his way of 'friendly talking'... he felt like smashing everyones face in.. the anger kept building inside... knowing Chris.. things were about to get bloody in the court room..

"Come on champ." The fat soldier said to him, Chris just growled in response. He got shoved inside the court room... there stood the judge.. gray-faced.. with his big black robe.. gavel in hand.

"What are the charges?" He asked the police cop next to him.

"This man was accused of drunk driving." The police simply said, Chris just glared at him.

"..What do you have to say for yourself?" The judge asked him, crossing both his hands on his chest.

"I am not.... drunk!" Chris said.. staggering a bit.

"You failed the test. You are drunk." The police who stopped him said.

"And how do you know!" Chris yelled. Being drunk was the worst when you are trying to prove to them you aren't drunk.

"...because you failed the test..."

"And how do you know!?" Chris yelled the same station again, as if he was a senile old man.

"..Should I answer?" The police asked the judge.

"No.. I think we all.. see Mr. Redfields... mistake." The judge said. "Does a night in jail sound like fun for you Mr. Redfield?"

"Sir, this is THE Chris Redfield... the surviving S.T.A.R.S member!" A police man said in glee.

"Who said my name?" Chris said, waking up from his 5 minute blackout.

"....Anyway... I'm sure he can get some _special treatment?_" The cop said, Chris being a surviving member from a team who were stuck at the Spencer Estate mansion, managed to survive zombies, went to take down Umbrella and also save his sister from Rock fort, this could work for him. No ticket... but he was wrong...

"....Mr. Redfield, due to some, information, we have two choices..."

"Aw shucks.. it was nothing.. sure.. the tyrant was hard to bea-"

"Redfield! Be quiet, you have two choices, either you pay a ticket.. or.. you help out in community service."

"...I choose.." Chris started, he took out his wallet, he was penniless and his money wasn't so good. "Do I get paid for the community crap?"

"No.. it is a service you do.. you don't get paid."

"That sucks! I want to see a judge!"

"I _am _a judge." The judge said sternly.

"What am I doing in court then?" Chris said, he looked as if he was senile.

"You are here because you were drunk driving." The judge said.. trying to be patient.

"Hey, you're a judge aren't you?" Chris asked.

The judge sighed... it was at these times he didn't want to be a judge, he saw as Chris was swaying back and fort.

"...What do you choose Redfield?"

"FREEDOM!" Chris yelled, putting both fists up in the air, he was handcuffed wasn't he?

"..from my two options!" The judge yelled.

"What options?"

"Community service or paying the fine!"

"FREEDOM!" Chris yelled again. The judge sighed and slid his hand down his face.

"Do you wanna know what I think?" Said the police man who knew who Chris was.

"Sure why not..."

"I think it is best for him to do the community service.. I mean.. come on.. he has helped the community before.."

"You're right, thanks Smith."

_'Oh yeah, that promotion is in the bag, thank you faith for sending a drunken ex. S.T.A.R.S member my way, thank you thank you!' _Smith thought to himself.

"FREEDOM!"

"Put him in the jail cell! One reason for drunk driving.. the other reason for annoying the hell out of me!" The judge yelled. "Meeting adjourned!" He said, hit the plank and left in a huff.

"..FREEDOM!!" Chris yelled again, as he was being forced into the jail room.

The cells stood all aligned, Chris was being dragged into one of them. He can't help shake the feeling that he already been here...

"This is you bedroom Chris.." the cop said, in it were all the guys he arrested in the past. Now he remembers.. the courtroom where S.T.A.R.S sends the criminals, cons, drug dealers etc. And his guys were all in one room.. at least they have all one thing they agree on...

They want revenge on Chris...

"Well.. well.. look who decided to see us boys.." A man said. He was bald, Caucasian, clear blue eyes and is an ex. Drug dealer.

"Sounds like someone came that I just love.." A man, African-American, black hair and brown eyes, arrested for selling fake products.

"Hey guys! How is life in the slammer! Too bad you can't get me!" Chris said. But was sadly shoved in. "Er..."

"We can now!" A Caucasian man said, he was deadly pale, with green eyes and black hair, he was arrested for killing three people.

All the guys went and jumped on Chris, started beating him, almost pulling out his hair. Chris was too wasted to even lift up his fist and punch someone, so he did the obvious thing and screamed like a little girl.

"Guard man! Save me!" Chris yelled, he was pulled away from the bars and the criminals continued their punching fest. Chris felt sick, he shoved the criminals away and threw up in the toilet. The criminals stayed staring at him... with disgust.

As soon as Chris was done... he looked back at the men, and waved like an idiot. They scoffed.

"What you in for?" The African-American said, his name was Chet.

"...drunk driving." Chris said.

"Ah.. the petty crimes.." Maurice (the bald one) said.

"I didn't want to commit a crime.. but it _feels _good."

"There is our boy!" Chet said and patted Chris on the back, he gagged and the others turned back. Waiting for the vomit, Chris wobbled but stood upright.

The criminals looked at each other, then turned their heads back to Chris as soon as they heard a loud thud.

"Did you kill him?" The guard that Chris called for said.

"Now you come? We were about to kill him, what? Saw another dough nut on the way?" Eric (the one with black hair) said.

"...Do you want three more years in prison?"

"No, just finishing up my last year.."

"Then zip it!"

"Gonna miss you man." Chet said to Eric.

The next day. Chris's head was pounding with pain, he felt as if someone dropped a bus on his head. He groaned and he was fully sober, he turned round and saw all the criminals he arrested, they were asleep. He also lost his wallet.. not that it had any money in it.. his watch too.

Chris went next to the jail door and asked the guard, "Hey, when am I getting out of here, more importantly how did I get here?"

"Drunk driving. And right about now, was just waiting when you were about to wake up."

They took Chris to the courtroom, and he remembered it all... he gulped..

"..Mr. Redfield, as for your recommendation by officer Smith, it was decided for you, that you'd do your part in community service." The judge said. "Meeting adjourned."

Chris felt like the world was going to crash, community service? The boring kind. He loved working at the police station, but hated cleaning or talking to old people. He knew this wasn't going to be a good week.

The officer took him and outside stood two women. One was a plump woman, with brown hair wearing lumber jack clothes. The other was thin and petite, with messy gray hair and wrinkles round her smile.

"Old home.. or cleaning." The officer said.

He chose cleaning, what was the worst that could happen?

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**A/N: I was so bored when I wrote this, plus it seems funny. I know, I was supposed to work on others, but I wanted to try this. Enjoy. Please Rate and Review, I wanna know what you guys think. Thanks.**

**~Silver**


	2. Killer Raccoon and Mighty Bears

**Community Service.**

**AN: **_"Told you I'll update more often. XD Have fun in this chapter!!_

_We last saw our hero in the midst of courts and judges, what happens when he tries.. cleaning?" _

**~Silver.**

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**Chapter 2**

**Killer Raccoon and Mighty bears.**

The pine scented trees lingered around his nostrils. He looked.. silly. He was wearing a lumber styled outfit. Carrying three black garbage bags that glistened in the sun. Scuffing through dirt and rocks, and little shards of glass, candy wrappers and bottle caps. Hearing a couple of women talking about him behind his back. Saying things about his bottom. He just rolled his eyes, and kept going.

They arrived at the place they were meant to clean, it was next to a road, not much cars passed. Chris started picking up the wrappers and bottle caps and stuffing them into one of the bags. Repeating the process, going painfully slow. They started a competition on who can rig up the most garbage. Chris did not partake but kept cleaning, he wouldn't have done it perfectly because a lot of his worker friends kept shoving him out of the way so that they would win. Chris was nearly thrown onto the road, he cursed loudly when a car almost hit him.

"Damn it watch where you are going!" Chris yelled at the driver.

Chris huffed and went back to cleaning the woods. Picking up the dirt, one by one. Why where they cleaning here anyway? In the woods there was much more dirt, why where they wasting their time here? Cleaning up the pits of dirt that- his thought were disturbed because someone threw a plastic cup the kind you get at some fast food restaurant for your soft drink. He cursed and shook his fist at the driver. And threw the pointy stick at him, which cracked the drivers back window.

Chris looked wide eyed . He picked up a pointy stick from one of the men, had to wrestle the bloody idiot for it. And whistled, when the man whose car Chris had broken in a way, came and beat up the man Chris stole his stick from. Chris snickered and continued picking up the shards of garbage that there was.

After the man viciously beat up that man, he left and continued his driving. Chris continued to pick the garbage and stuffing it into the bag. Chris was bored and decided to go clean up some trash along the trail. He thought if he cleaned more than the others he would be forgiven.

He had to find the perfect moment thought, one wrong move and he would be doing... over-time of this hell.

_'Better move Redfeild. Over time in this hell is gonna drive me off a cliff.. ready? One.. two..Three.... GO GO GO!' _He yelled to himself. He moved swiftly. Almost cunningly, he was stealthy like a fox. When he was in the clear he made the bag crawl behind him, again his boots scuffed on the dirt as he picked them up when he passed every rock, tree, bush and stone. He kept going and then stopped, picking some on some big rock he was sitting on.

He started poking the dirt, making tiny almost non seeing holes into it. It was beginning to get lighter as day was slowly shifting into the afternoon, the sun was swelling up, making cleaning a much more hellish job than it already was. He sighed and took of his shirt and dumped it on the ground like it was some sort of disgusting oily towel. He sunbathed a bit before he got back to work. Knowing the others are probably fighting for the last bagel. He smirked and let the sun shower him with its rays.

He fell asleep shortly after, dreaming about random things. He didn't know how long he was out. When he woke up, Chris got a nasty burn, and a good tan. When he woke up, his garbage bag was ripped, and the trash was scattered everywhere!

He scanned the surrounding area. Nothing seems to be there, his shirt was ripped to pieces as well. Oh now he was ticked! That was his favorite shirt! (He wore something underneath the lumberjack get up). He wanted to sock who was responsible for this! He got up, put on his sucky lumberjack wear. He picked up the pointy stick, as if _that _would make a difference.

"Come out! And show me what you are made off!" Chris yelled and heard a growling. Chris turned round and saw a small raccoon. It _seemed _harmless enough, maybe he could just throw a rock and it'll run away.

He grabbed a pebel, and threw it in the direction of the animal. Who just got angry. It chased Chris, growling as if he wanted to eat out ex S.T.A.R.S member. Chris ran like hell, running away from a ferocious raccoon. He ran round trees, rocks and even the occasional bush. He then climbed up a tree and waited right there, the raccoon looked up and waited for Chris to come down. It soon got tired and left, Chris was sticky from something he sat in, but he knew a good shower would work.

When he got down and tried to brush off the sticky liquid off, it was.. sweet? Honey. He then heard.. a growl.. a snort and a big giant growl. He looked slowly around and saw a big.. BEAR!

He nearly was about to faint. It's beady eyed scanned him, and smelt the thick, sweet honey that was on him. Chris stepped a bit backwards, the bear growled out into the air and started chasing Chris. He ran like hell, screaming.

The bear continued to chase him and wouldn't stop till he got his honey. Chris tripped on a rock and fell straight into the mud. He got up, and continued to run like hell, tripped and fell in the mud again!

He cursed loudly and saw a lake nearby he ran and made a very good swan dive. He stayed in the water, floating like an idiot, the bear just sat and waited for him to get out. Chris felt something in his pocket, he whipped out his cellphone. He looked at the bear, took his cellphone and threw it. The bear went after it, like an idiot. Chris got out, wet and cold, he heard the people talk and chat he ran, out of breath he was and arrived to his original spot. Everyone was ready to go clean another nature path.. Chris didn't like the feeling..

TO BE CONTINUED.

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**AN: WAHOO CH.2 UP! YAY, SO HAPPY!! **

**OKAY THIS IS PART 1 OF CHRIS'S CLEANING.**

**WHAT HAPPENS NEXT??**

**FIND OUT BY RATING AND REVIEWING.**

**SORRY THIS IS SHORT, I WANTED TO RUSH IT. BUT YEAH ENJOY**

**-SILVER**


	3. Damn Nature should just die

**Community Service. **

**Author's Note: **_"God, I've been neglecting some things. I'm going to Continue this, stay tuned for my new RE story about Wesker, called _**_Jinxed _**_super funny. But anyway, let's continue this:_

_In our last encounter, Chris got beat by nature part 1 what happens in part 2?" _

**-Silver**

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**Chapter 3**

**Damn Nature should just die.**

Getting chased by a bear? Who the hell has more worst luck than Chris? No one that's who! He still saw the bear, running for him, wanting his skull in his big, muscular mouth. Now they are going to another Nature clean up thing. Great, more things to scare the living crap out of him.

Chris sighed and still kept his Paul Bunyan get up, now all he needs is a blue ox and everything will be American-ised. He sighed and scuffed and kicked the dirt. Everyone was talking to each other, but he strayed alone.

He wanted to cause suicide, jump out the bus and hope it would run over him. He hated being here, or maybe jump out the bus and run like hell. Beer, he wanted beer, but he remember it was that drink that got him in this hell in the first place, Hell no, no more beer EVER!

Chris remembered, he has some water, and he was bloody thirsty. He got it and carefully made sure he didn't spill it on him, these were his only clothes. Aside from the top that the raccoon scared off him. The driver sadly got a speed bump and Chris's water bottle showered him. Feeling the cold droplets on his jeans and checkered red shirt he screamed and jump, hitting his head on the bus ceiling, causing everyone to stare.

"What are all of you looking at?!" He yelled, they all turned their heads.

He didn't deserve this, he did NOT deserve to clean and then get chased by a bear!

_'I don't deserve this, I don't deserve this, don't deserve this, really don't deserve this!' _Chris kept thinking. The bus rode over another speed bump and sent Chris to the floor. "DAMN IT DUDE! DRIVE STRAIGHT!" Chris yelled at the bus driver.

The bus driver halted to a stop, and Chris rolled to the front. "Okay, I may have deserved that..."

"You think?" The driver retorted.

"Shut up. I had a bad day." Chris said.

"..Yeah, so do I."

"What is you're reason?"

"I'm driving you around." The driver said which caused everyone to laugh.

"Funny. That's why I am a cop and you are just a bus driver." Chris retorted, who got an evil glare from the driver.

"Funny man are ya?"

"Way more funnier than _you" _Chris retorted.

"Do you wanna settle this outside?" The driver asked, in all in favor for beating the crap out of him.

"Sure! Why the hell not?!"

The driver stopped the bus, and got out, removed his jacket and flexed his HUGE muscles.

"_Crap! He's like a damn Gi Joe!" _Chris thought.

"What're ya waiting for? SKINNY!" The driver taunted him, Chris thought of a simple way.. and he went to the front wheel and drove the car away!

The passengers cheered! They really hated the driver, they even laughed when they saw him chasing the van. Pointing and laughing at him, It was that damn funny!

"Where are we going lady?!" Chris yelled to the supervisor.

"Elm Forest!" She yelled back.

"Ya got it Lumber Jackie!"

"Wait... what?!"

Chris didn't say anything but drove in the direction of Elm Forest.

They arrived quicker, since Chris went over, just a tad, the speed limit. He drove like a demon on wheels... if demons even had wheels..

Chris and the group of cleaning went walking the steep, rock littered, dirt covered pathways of Elm Forest.

Again, the contest.. of who get to pick up more garbage went up again, Chris sighed and snuck away.

Going back in his own way, not that it worked out too well the last time he did that. He still went, he couldn't bare getting trampled by a car.

He went off into his own direction. Picking up the litter from the ground and shoving them in garbage bags. Feeling some cool, thin air caress him, Chris was relieved that air currents were moving along.

He was tired of picking up things, till he felt something bite him..

"Ouch! Damn it what the hell?! AAAH! A VENUS FLYTRAP! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" Chris yelled, and started bashing it over the head with his cleaning stick, poking it till he made tiny holes into it, but still damaging it, finally the fly trap let go of him. Chris ran for his life, started yelling and screaming. He stopped running after a short while and rested under a tree. Taking some short breaths of air.

Chris recalled the night he was roaring drunk that got him in this mess...

_Joe's Bar was packed tonight, Chris and his friend, Leon, were sharing a few pints of whiskey. Celebrating everything they've done to destroy Umbrella, Chris was getting a little carried away, but his one night off, and his acceptance to the B.S.A.A was way too enjoyable! He kept, drinking and drinking, till everything in the room spinned. He didn't care though. He was celebrating tonight! Besides, what could go wrong anyway?_

_Leon bid him a goodnight and took a taxi home, Chris stumbled into his car and started driving. Yelling 'wee' and making his car go sideways at times, but then returning back on track. A couple of tired police officers, saw a car go sideways, then back on track, then sideways again, they rang their siren and drove after the drunken driver. At least they hoped it was a drunken driver. It was embarrassing having to tackle a near sighted man._

"_Sir, would you please step out of the car?" Said the police man who brought him to the court, nicely._

"_Why?" _

"_Just.. step out." _

"_No.." _

"_please, sir, will you just step out of the damn thing!" _

"_NO! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" Chris yelled, got out the car and ran away, the police officer started chasing him. _

"_Sir, GET BACK HERE!" _

"_NO!!" Chris yelled._

"_I'm warning you!" _

_The police man, tackled Chris to the ground. Chris tried to fight back, but he kept punching the air..._

"_Okay sir, calm down.." _

"_FREEDOM!" Chris yelled, the police man just facepalmed himself._

Then he was taken to court.. Chris remembered it clearly. Which was weird considering how much booze he drank.

"should've never took that whiskey.." Chris said out loud to himself.

Chris heard a low growl, almost bear like.. his eyes widened and started to walk backwards. Only to find it was a missing dog, well it looked like a missing dog... He may have an owner, or maybe he's wild and rabid.. maybe Chris should just run away from it, he never did have any good experiences with dogs anyway.

"Stay back fido I got bug spray!" Chris yelled, the dog just tilted his head at him as if he was some crazy idiot. "You don't _look _dangerous." Chris said, but decided to keep on walking. The dog started walking behind him, Chris wanted to scare him away, but he wasn't sure that bug spray would do the work. "Stay away lassie..." Chris said and kept on walking with the dog still behind him. "I mean it." He said and tried to walk forward, still the dog didn't let up. "Damn you Scooby! Will you just leave!?" Chris said now completely furious. The dog looked cute and helpless, Chris sighed, he sat down on a rock and the dog came near him. The dog looked at him, with those two black beady eyes and sat near him, Chris felt tired and rested his eyes a bit. He then realized he was going to a deep sleep...

When he woke up, his bag was gone! And his shoe looked a bit.. yellow-ish.. Chris looked around and the dog was gone too!

"Mangy mutt stole my things and peed all over my shoes! Damn IT!" Chris yelled, he wanted to find that dog, get in a car and run him over, then put the car in reverse and back up over him. "Damn dog! Damn nature they both should just... ugh.. DIE!" Chris checked his watch and trudged back to the site, everyone was gathering in.

"Chris, what happened to you?"

"I was robbed!" Said Chris to the supervisor.

"By who?" She said.

"By a dog!" Chris yelled, silence grew like cancer and then bursts or laughter started to arise. "It not funny he peed all over my shoe!" He defended himself, but the others kept laughing.

Chris got on the bus, and drove it, then took a sharp turn and everyone flew about like lotto balls, he smirked evilly.

When Chris finally stopped he went to the court house and there was the judge whom his drunken self faced.

"Oh dear god.." The judge whispered when he saw Chris coming in.

"I quit! I can't do nature cleaning anymore! Everything there is trying to KILL me! And to top it all off some dog robbed me and peed all over my shoes!" Chris complained.

"What? You want to take care of the elderly then?"

"Sure why the hell not!?" Chris yelled.

"Fine.. Be up at 10:00 am tomorrow. A car will come your way." The Judge said and dismissed Chris.

"See ya suckers!" Chris yelled at the people who were cleaning up the forests, suddenly he heard someone yell to him. It was the bus driver from before, he took a bus and now he wants to beat up Chris.

"Ah crap!" Chris ran, with an angry bus driver chasing him. Then he took off his peed on shoe and tossed it to him and kept running.

Back in the forest, the dog came and left everything on his owners floor.

"Good Job Blackie.. lemme see. Ah yes! My good dog." Said Reynard Fisher and petted his dog , he took the things and the dog grinned happily after he got a nice good steak.

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**Author's Note: **_"I'm sorry things have gotten neglected, but at least I got a chapter up for you._

_Unless no one knows who Reynard Fisher is, he is the guy who owns the Butcher shop in RE5 he dies shortly when the big Axe man cuts off his head. Please guys Review, I can't write if you don't review! Review! i need to know, even if it is constructive please do review. _

_Anyway next chapter is:_

**The Before in the room of afters.**

_-Silver_


	4. The Before in the room of Afters

**Community Service**

**Author's Note: **_"Felt really bored so I decided to update this fiction. In other updates.. wow.. I can't believe my new story got already Two reviews the next day I posted it. I also wanna give a nod out to _**_ExtremeRainbowRaiderPrincess _**_(You have one long name O__o) You really made me FEEL better about my writing by reviewing and I thank you for that, in fact I just might dedicate a story to you, but enough about sappy stuff let's begin this bad boy._

_Chris is sick and tired of nature, he hopped out of mother nature's pan, now what will happen_

_when he has to take care of the elderly?" _

**-Silver**

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**Chapter 4**

**The Before in the room of Afters**

Caring for the elderly.. that should be easy right? I mean... all you have to do is just read to them and they'll fall asleep.. they aren't really the 'life of the party'.

Chris rushed in the rest home and nearly knocked a nurse out, he apologized and kept running. He then went to the nurse who was currently at the desk.

"Hey, names Chris Redfield. I'm.. uh.. here to.." He started then stuttered. Some nurses came and put some blood on the table, the red goey liquid in a plastic bag. Chris nearly fainted, his knees were getting weak.

"Are you okay?" A female nurse asked.

"Yeah.. yeah.." He said but then they got more blood. "No.. No I'm not..."

"Great.. another one.." The nurse at the desk sourly stated.

"Are you okay? Can someone go get him some water!"

"Yeah I'm fine.."

"Mr. Chris Redfield.. hello" She said and smiled at the end.

"What do you do Mr. Redfield?" The nurse at the desk asked.

"I'm a cop. Well agent now."

"And you've never seen blood before?" She asked laced with sarcasm.

_'More than you know lady,' _Chris thought, "Yeah, it's just.. I always hated blood, but you've got to put on a brave face, you know what I mean?"

"No.. not really, but it brings me wonders that our local policeman is afraid of blood." The nurse said sourly.

"She is a ray of sunshine, no scratch that, she's a death ray." He commented to the other nurse who help him during his 'dizzy spell'. The nurse grinned at his statement and continued to fill out his paperwork.

"I am surprised you took the time to come here. Most people send a check, you... you're different." She said and added a smile.

"I know, I'm a real saint." He lied and smiled.

As soon as his paperwork gotten written out, he was ready to get bored to tears by the kings of boredom. He was admitted to someone named Mr. Morrison, in room, 1-A.

"What's room 1-A those who are over 60?" He joked -dryly- to himself. He decided that maybe if he moved quickly, he can be done quicker. He didn't like visiting his grandpa, since he was too boring and would talk to Chris _all _day about useless things.

Chris arrived to his 'destination', knocked quietly on the door, and heard a bellowing: "Who the hell is it?!"

_'Nice guy...' _Chris thought, "It's your.... uh.. entertainer?"

"You better be a woman!"

"...Prepare to be disappointed old man..." He mumbled to himself.

"Ah crap.." The old man said.

"Thanks.." Chris retorted sourly.

"What do you want?" The old man asked.

"To kiss you, what'ddya think?"

"Fine, what you got a puppet for me?" The old man sarcastically quipped.

'_I have a fist, want that old man?' _Chris thought, but smiled sweetly to the old man. "How about I read to you?"

"I'm not that old I can see the freakin words..."

"Okay.. how about you talk to me..?"

"I don't have anything to say."

Chris sighed, he was running out of patience. "What do you want me to do then?"

"Give me a beer."

"...I can't.. you have liver damage."

"Call it mercy killing then."

"I can't sir." Chris tried to reason with him, telling him living another day isn't so bad.

"Not so bad? I got tubes sticking out of me!"

"Yeah well... I nearly got eaten by a zombie.."

"Pffft, how many horror movies did you watch to believe that crap huh?"

"Don't believe me then."

"Kids today..!"

"Old people today..." Chris mumbled to himself.

"Yeah, well.. I'm in this resting home.."

"I live in an apartment with a noisy couples upstairs and downstairs.."

"I am 60 years old."

"Can we please stop competing who has the more suckish life?"

"..Whatever I win anyway."

"How can you win?!" Chris argued.

"'Cause I can! You wanna be in my shoes kiddo?!"

"Kiddo!? Are you freakin KIDDING me?! I am at least twenty freakin 6 years old!"

The old man said nothing... but instead.. started holding his chest.

"Uh.. guy you okay?"

"What's happening in here!?" The nurse came in and saw Mr. Morrison clutching his hand to his chest.

"What the hell is he doing?!" Chris asked.

"He is having heart failure!"

* * *

Chris's eye went wide... was it him that killed him?

"Was someone yelling at him?!"

Crap...

"Mr. Redfield, you shouldn't be upset."

How can she say that? He almost killed a man!

"...." Chris couldn't say a thing.

"Uh... Mr. Morrison is fine... why don't you try someone else?"

"Yeah.. Okay.."

Chris was led away from Mr. Morrison, who was currently cursing him out. "If I ever get out of this, I'm gonna kick your a-" He was cut off due to the door locking behind him.

"Cheerful isn't he?" Chris retorted sarcastically to the nurse.

"This is Mrs. Madeline, I'll leave you with her." The nurse said and left.

"Hello Maddy."

"WHO SAID THAT?!" She yelled causing Chris to jump and nearly become one with the door. His eyes went wide and stared at the half deaf lady.

"Uh... I did..." He said, scared that she would attack him with the dioley she was currently knitting.

"HUH?!"

"ME, I DID, NAME IS CHRIS, HI!" Chris yelled.

"WHAT?! SPEAK LOUDER SONNY!"

"MY NAME IS CHRIS!!"

"WHAT?!"

"CHRIS! MY NAME IS--"

"Make the YELLING stop! Nurse make it stop! Please! Make it stop!" a nearby old folk was yelling, practically in tears.

"Mind being quiet Mr. Redfield?" The nurse asked sweetly.

"..but she.. can't hear me then.."

The nurse didn't answer him, she went to tend to the nearby complainer who was crying now.

"Uh..." Chris said, and looked at the deaf woman.

What the hell was he supposed to do?

"WHO ARE YOU SONNY?!" The lady directed her attention to him. Chris nearly jumped out of his skin when she bellowed out those words. Chris scanned the room and saw an old notepad. He took a pen and wrote 'Hi, my name is Chris, I'll be your entertainer.' and gave it to her. "Oh. Give me a moment to find my glasses." She said and took out her HUGE handbag. Chris calculated of how much useless crap there is in there.

"Wow...." He breathed out as soon as he saw the size of that handbag.

"Now I'm sure it's here.." She whispered to herself and she started to take out her things, those included: a pen, a notebook, a phone book, her purse, another pen, her -very old- cellphone, lipstick, some -very old- candy, a pencil, another pen!?, a picture wallet, a credit card, a picture frame-- to cut this list short, tons of useless crap.

"Uuuuh..." Chris kept staring her take out MORE things. "Want me to look for you?"

"WHAT?!" She yelled to him.

"I said: WANT ME TO TAKE A LOOK?!"

"YOU WANT TO BAKE A BOOK?!"

"What? NO!" Chris sighed, got up and reacher for the handbag, she started screaming.

"AAAH! PERVERT PERVERT!" She started screaming and then took out her pepper spray.

"What? NO NO NO NO!" Too late, Chris's eyes met pepper spray, "Oh my GOD!!" He yelled and started rubbing his eyes, tears spurted out of them like daggers. He started screaming 'Get it out! Get it out!' then started tumbling in the hallways. A cart carrying tissue paper to the bathroom, wheeled by a young man was heading in his way, Chris accidentally tripped in it, getting covered with toilet paper, then fell down on the cart which just went rolling, speeding through the halls, until they met a flight of stairs. Chris's screams pierced the silence. Suddenly.. it grew quiet, then ..

THUD, BANG, BOOM... CRASH!

The nurses all started running towards and saw a man wrapped in toilet paper and a broken cart tossed aside. They were all confused on what the hell happened.

_'I hate my life...' _Chris thought to himself, still trying to unwrap himself.

"Mr. Redfield! Are you okay?"

"Just peachy." He said sourly to her.

"Want an ice pack?"

"Yeah, give me three.."

"Alright." She said and giggled and helped him up. She sat him down on a chair and went and got him an ice pack. She let him sit down for a few minutes, he could still his eyes burning.

* * *

After a few hours, the nurse came to check up on him, he was alright and was ready to get back to his 'duty'.

"This is Mrs. Valentina. Have fun!"

"Hello Mrs. Valentina." Chris said to her.

"Hello.. oh don't you look handsome!"

"Thanks!" Chris replied gleefully.

"Your welcome. So, are you my entertainer?"

"Yeah.. yeah I am."

"Good."

"Mind getting that bag for me?" The old woman said. Chris went, bended down and the lady checked him out. He got the bag and gave it to her.

"I'm glad one of you is decent, I've kinda got a few bumps in the road here."

"I see. Well I'm glad I got such a cute man to entertain me!"

"Hehe. You're welcome lady.." Chris said to her.

They stayed talking for hours about random things. Chris at first was a little confused sometimes during their conversation, but kept smiling.

"Oh now it's time for my bath..." The woman said to Chris.

"Well, I'll just leave then."

"Why?" She asked him.

"'Cause, you are going to take a bath. No use for me sitting here."

"Hun, they wash the people here..."

"Yeah? Wouldn't you be embarrassed?"

"Not at all, I love my bath time." She said and looked seductively at him.

"Ehehe, I'll go find someone then."

As soon as Chris got up and turned around the woman grabbed his behind and squeezed it. "Listen here sweet cheeks, either you give me my bath or you can _entertain _me more.."

Chris screamed and swatted her hand away by tossing the notebook down on her hand, he ran out of there screaming. He's even had it! He was about to march to the desk and quit, curse them out and probably go back and kill Mr. Morrison, but he stopped in his tracks.

A man.. in room 1-C... he looked a bit like.... Spencer.. only older in fact his name plate says Spencer! What could he be doing here? Chris had to find out... as a cap he had to protect everyone... and yeah that included that Mr. Morrison demon.

* * *

**Author's Note: **_"Chapter 4 ended! Wow.. this is a long one, but hey all filled with funniness. I would like to thank _**_ExtremeRainbowRaiderPrincess _**_again, I also would like to ask everyone:_

_Should I change my name? I don't know I don't think it suits me._

_Please review, no reviews no chapters! And give me new name ideas if you want me to change ^_^ _

_**Next Chapter: Mystery of an Old man.**_

_**-Silver**_

**XxX**


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